Excuse me. I don't mean to alarm you. But your car is talking. And I don't mean that husky voice on your GPS system. Instead, your car is saying a lot about your attitude and your personality. Yes, we are what we drive.
Car nuts can admit our rides are a power window into the soul. I may love driving the spectacular
Corvette Z06, but I doubt I'd own one. European sports cars have always been more my speed, ever since I defied my blue-collar Detroit upbringing by plastering
Lamborghini posters on my walls.
Carmakers acknowledge that minivan sales have gone flat in part because fewer of us, especially women, still subscribe to the "mommy-mobile" image. GM and
Ford have given up on minivans entirely, preferring to focus on crossovers instead.
Matter Over MindFor more than 20 years, Dr. Leon James at the University of Hawaii has researched and taught the psychology of driving. In our car culture, James says, drivers idealize their rides and even lend them human qualities. Under hypnosis, drivers will refer to their car as if it were a friend or lover. In everyday life, owners name their cars and talk to them. And whether the car is racy or outdoorsy, owners seek attributes that mirror their self-image.
"People construct an ideal in their mind of the perfect car, and those attributes are transferred to its driver as well," James said, noting how negatively we associate the drivers of dilapidated or dirty cars. Some of us get so offended we'll deliver a hand-scrawled scolding, strangely written from the car's point of view:
Wash Me.
Whether this driving ideal has much to do with reality is pretty much beside the point. The obvious disconnect is with SUVs, which are forever being shown conquering the wilderness and clambering up mountainsides, even if most owners would hesitate to conquer the curb at the shopping mall.
Car StereotypesSpeaking of sport utes, we've all seen people go apoplectic at the sight of a
Hummer, ascribing all sorts of nasty personality traits to the guy behind the wheel. You might say you're only mad because he's guzzling gas, but I'm not so sure. Plenty of SUVs, or sports cars for that matter, drink as much fuel, but get a free pass. It's the Hummer's commando styling and in-your-face attitude that gets a person's dander up.
During the
Ford Explorer rollover scandal, G. Clotaire Rapaille, the French anthropologist and auto-industry marketing guru, asserted that SUV owners were more vain and self-absorbed, and less likely to be community-oriented. As psychology, Rapaille's thesis was carelessly overstated, of course. The charge that an SUV was proof of narcissism could be as easily applied to anyone who buys a
Ferrari, a mansion or a designer handbag.
Most of us realize that car stereotypes are just that. Just because [url=http://autos.msn.com/research/vip/default.aspx?make=Mazda&model=MX-5 Miata]
Mazda Miatas[/url] are sort of cute, and women like them, doesn't mean the guy who drives one isn't manly. More likely, he's secure enough in his masculinity to enjoy his little convertible.
Yet while it's wrong to generalize, it doesn't prevent us from trying. C'mon, admit it: When you see a pickup truck, or a
Bentley, it's hard not to speculate about its driver. Especially after they've just cut you off.
So with tongue firmly in cheek, here are what some popular rides say about you:
Toyota PriusWe get it. You love the planet like Tom loves Katie on
Oprah. Tell you what — I'll acknowledge your superior consciousness when you stop driving 52 in the fast lane.
HummerGotta hand it to you. You don't give a three-ton truck about what other people think. That's the attitude that tamed the Old West, that built the auto industry, that barged into Iraq to keep that oil...um, never mind.
MINI Cooper (urban dweller)
You've got the haircut, the clothes, a taste for obscure bands and obscure coffee blends. What car could possibly make the cut in that hip dictatorship you call a neighborhood?
MINI Cooper (suburban dweller)
"Oooh, honey, isn't that just the cutest thing?"
YugoYou have a sense of humor. And you're contemplating suicide.
Chevy pickup
You hate soccer, unless your kids are playing. You still wonder what happened to Garth Brooks. You'll buy a
Toyota pickup when there's a toboggan run in hell.
Lexus"I don't even like cars, but since this is shopping, I'm going to spend a lot of money."
BMW"My [insert noun] is better than yours."
Rolls-Royce"Please, tell me: What actually was so
bad about colonialism?"
Lamborghini "This car is the most interesting thing about me."
Porsche (as interpreted by Corvette owner)
"What a jerk. Probably a lawyer, trust-fund brat, never worked an honest day in his life. Bet he gets his nails manicured."
Corvette (as interpreted by Porsche owner)
"What a jerk. Probably thinks NASCAR is real racing. He thinks 'dressing up' means a monogrammed bowling shirt."
Corvette and Porsche (as interpreted by attractive woman).
"What a jerk. Probably takes Viagra. Twice divorced, mid-life crisis. Sad."
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